break me, for You

Whoever finds their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:39

This verse is so near and dear to my heart, especailly when I witness the raging battle Christians face every day.

Today, the holy spirit broken my heart into pieces. As I sat in my room scribbling a map of Africa for geography, my thoughts drifted from the beautiful country of Uganda (in which case, if you don’t know me, I most earnestly desire to visit), to the thoughts of being alone.

See, I am a high school freshman— with best friends who are juniors and seniors.  These are honestly the best friends I could ask for, and the thought that God might send them out of my life for a while when they follow His will (whether it be college, or backpacking as a homeless person) tears every segment of my heart.

So as tears weld up in my eyes, and fall on my oh-so-neat map, I begin to be reminded: this is the potter, modeling the clay (Isaiah 64:8).

This is the Father putting my through trials, if only for a little while (1 Peter 5:10) to make me the person I need to become for Him.

This is Him shaping me into his beautiful plan.

The purpose of my life is to become more like Him and spread His glory, so also this is the target my being longs to hit. 

So this is my prayer:

Let us not spend our lives adjusting to comfort. I need to be bent and broken. My heart needs to be shattered in pieces by my sin.  Let my inner being thirst and run after my father.  Let me not be comfortable my entire life. Let every situation, every trail, make me lean on you.  Give me more than I can handle, so that I depend on your sovereignty for every day of my life. Yes, you know what is best.  So break me, for You.

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